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One Side: Beth

Sometimes she films me while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it feels like a jumpscare.

My best friend of a decade, Marielle, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a bit, but it weighs on our friendship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to document everything all the time. When we eat out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when strangers see her performing for the camera – I experience secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She creates video blogs about city life, her daily routine, and her styling career. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. On occasion I'm captured while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her feed afterwards, and it comes like a jumpscare: I’ll have bare-faced, an awkward face or photographed mid-bite. It feels invasive.

Marielle also expects me to record her at inopportune moments. Often I’ll be talking to another person, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has transformed into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She could easily employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my discomfort about the situation, she dismissed it. I've been invited to a couple of industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I spend helping her create material.

I appreciate that Marielle has helped me with my career in design, but I don’t want our friendship to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don’t feel she's insincere or dishonest, but sometimes I feel that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that presents a favorable image for her channel.

Her directive is, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and record me smiling with someone. It feels forced. It's crucial her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also want to experience it without being filmed, edited, or posted for an viewers. I’m not a accessory for her online persona.

The Other Side: Marielle

I hope my friend to see that the content we make together can get us an opportunity.

I love creating videos. It's more than a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online allows me to express myself and engage with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your interests. I look up to people on social platforms who pull off that style of informal, self-made content creation.

Creating content is my version of engaging with life: noticing the details, sharing them with an viewership that appreciates the art behind it. I never intend to make my friend uneasy. Taking her to professional gatherings was my way of sharing opportunities, giving her a chance to experience exclusive moments that could benefit her professional path too. That’s not leverage, it’s just being realistic.

I would take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see what the content we make together can get us: an opening. I know not everyone enjoys being on camera, but often unplanned moments is what makes content genuine. Being recorded occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I'd remove anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my private videographer, but companions support one another in minor capacities. My assumption was filming a short video now and then would be fun for her. Creativity flourishes in collaboration, and having my friend around makes endeavors energetic and enjoyable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I would never intentionally humiliate her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I record our time together.

I cherish Beth’s friendship profoundly and don’t want making videos to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to compromise: like asking before recording, and avoiding shots that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about control, it’s about sharing my world while still respecting hers. Obviously content creation is not a substitute for real connection: it’s just part of how I experience life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop recording herself and her friend when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a companion film you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to create content with. Given the dark, looming future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys creating, that doesn’t mean all those around her is content. She must to respect her friend's privacy.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and showing off her life publicly, but it isn't for everyone. It’s nice she has assisted Beth’s career, but she needs to hear what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the focus in your friendship. Create some authentic experiences, where genuine feelings are stored, not online archives. Even public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Both seem unsure as to where the line is. The solution lies not in trying to change one another, but in each setting clear limits around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle over-exposing their bond?