The Phrases given by A Parent Which Helped Me when I became a Brand-New Parent

"I think I was merely trying to survive for a year."

Ex- Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the challenges of fatherhood.

However the reality soon turned out to be "completely different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health problems during the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was pushed into becoming her main carer while also caring for their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing every night time, each diaper… every stroll. The job of both parents," Ryan explained.

After 11 months he became exhausted. It was a chat with his father, on a public seat, that led him to understand he needed help.

The direct words "You aren't in a good place. You must get support. What can I do to help you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and find a way back.

His story is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. While society is now more accustomed to talking about the stress on moms and about PND, not enough is spoken about the struggles dads encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan believes his struggles are symptomatic of a wider inability to communicate between men, who still absorb negative ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall time and again."

"It is not a sign of failure to ask for help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, says men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can think they are "not justified to be seeking help" - particularly ahead of a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental state is just as important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the chance to take a break - going on a few days overseas, separate from the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he required a shift to consider his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the logistical chores of taking care of a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

Self-parenting

That insight has transformed how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will help his son to more fully comprehend the expression of emotional life and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen lacked stable male a father figure. Despite having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, profound trauma caused his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says suppressing emotions resulted in him make "poor choices" when he was younger to change how he felt, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as a way out from the anguish.

"You find your way to things that don't help," he explains. "They can briefly alter how you feel, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Advice for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - if you're feeling swamped, speak to a family member, your other half or a therapist about your state of mind. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - make time for the things that allowed you to feel like yourself before the baby arrived. Examples include exercising, socialising or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the physical health - nutritious food, physical activity and where possible, getting some sleep, all contribute in how your emotional health is doing.
• Meet other first-time fathers - hearing about their journeys, the challenges, along with the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Know that asking for help isn't failing - prioritising yourself is the most effective way you can care for your family.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the passing, having been out of touch with him for years.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead give the stability and emotional support he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - expressing the frustrations safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they confronted their pain, changed how they express themselves, and figured out how to control themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… sitting with things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I expressed, sometimes I think my role is to guide and direct you on life, but the truth is, it's a two-way conversation. I am discovering an equal amount as you are on this path."